Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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