dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
