Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
