I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just cut my nipple shaving
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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