doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
