3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
