WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
