i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
