I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
