Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
