he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
