Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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