you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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