So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
