separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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