i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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