Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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