Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize