That's intense
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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