I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
