i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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