his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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