If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
