Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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