I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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