You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You pole danced in your parka.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
