I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he shaved USA in his pubs
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize