i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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