After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
