I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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