Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
