are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize