my room smells like sperm. sweet.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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