guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
