I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
