i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
