Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
