Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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