Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
