So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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