So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
