you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
