I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
