if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
