hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
