The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
