I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
