Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
