Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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