So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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