you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
People in love make me want to vomit
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
