I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
