i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
