Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
