Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
