Hey man sorry I got all grabby
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Who died my cat blue again?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
