i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
