remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize