i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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