I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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