It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
