I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
