you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
