Plan B is the new Plan A
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize