We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
