my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She tied me up with her honor cords...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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