quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
