No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
