It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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