Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
