Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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