Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
