As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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